a measuring stick for my journey

Monday, August 17, 2009

Stopping at 76

Forgiveness. One of the central themes of Christianity. One I fully support, embrace, and am thankful for everyday. And oh how I love how it sounds, and how it feels to be forgiven and give forgiveness. I would be nothing without it in my own life, my God would be unapproachable.

But...there is one ugly black mark on my heart. One person who I can't forgive, one action unforgivable. And this is where it get's real, because forgiveness is easy, until it gets hard and when it comes down to it, this is something I don't want to forgive. I want to hold on, and be righteously angry, and indigently stew on it. But it keeps the past in the present, and it's a raw wound in my mind. Every time I get to the place where I think I've forgiven, and I'm healing and moving forward the scab is ripped off and I see the ugly black interior of me. So I'm walking down this road again, with so many others this has effected. God, I can't, but You can forgive 77 times, and then 77 more.

Matthew 18:21-35

21Then Peter came to Jesus and asked, "Lord, how many times shall I forgive my brother when he sins against me? Up to seven times?"

22Jesus answered, "I tell you, not seven times, but seventy-seven times.f]">[f]

23"Therefore, the kingdom of heaven is like a king who wanted to settle accounts with his servants. 24As he began the settlement, a man who owed him ten thousand talentsg]">[g] was brought to him. 25Since he was not able to pay, the master ordered that he and his wife and his children and all that he had be sold to repay the debt.

26"The servant fell on his knees before him. 'Be patient with me,' he begged, 'and I will pay back everything.' 27The servant's master took pity on him, canceled the debt and let him go.

28"But when that servant went out, he found one of his fellow servants who owed him a hundred denarii.h]">[h] He grabbed him and began to choke him. 'Pay back what you owe me!' he demanded.

29"His fellow servant fell to his knees and begged him, 'Be patient with me, and I will pay you back.'

30"But he refused. Instead, he went off and had the man thrown into prison until he could pay the debt. 31When the other servants saw what had happened, they were greatly distressed and went and told their master everything that had happened.

32"Then the master called the servant in. 'You wicked servant,' he said, 'I canceled all that debt of yours because you begged me to. 33Shouldn't you have had mercy on your fellow servant just as I had on you?' 34In anger his master turned him over to the jailers to be tortured, until he should pay back all he owed.

35"This is how my heavenly Father will treat each of you unless you forgive your brother from your heart."



1 comment:

Hannah said...

A heart-rending yet true title to this post, Sarah. I am praying you and those affected by this wound will be able to reach 77. And 78. And 79. And 80. May God grant you grace and peace.

Followers