Stopping at 76

Forgiveness. One of the central themes of Christianity. One I fully support, embrace, and am thankful for everyday. And oh how I love how it sounds, and how it feels to be forgiven and give forgiveness. I would be nothing without it in my own life, my God would be unapproachable.

But...there is one ugly black mark on my heart. One person who I can't forgive, one action unforgivable. And this is where it get's real, because forgiveness is easy, until it gets hard and when it comes down to it, this is something I don't want to forgive. I want to hold on, and be righteously angry, and indigently stew on it. But it keeps the past in the present, and it's a raw wound in my mind. Every time I get to the place where I think I've forgiven, and I'm healing and moving forward the scab is ripped off and I see the ugly black interior of me. So I'm walking down this road again, with so many others this has effected. God, I can't, but You can forgive 77 times, and then 77 more.

Matthew 18:21-35

²¹Then Peter came to Jesus and asked, "Lord, how many times shall I forgive my brother when he sins against me? Up to seven times?"

²²Jesus answered, "I tell you, not seven times, but seventy-seven times.^f]">[f]

²³"Therefore, the kingdom of heaven is like a king who wanted to settle accounts with his servants. ²⁴As he began the settlement, a man who owed him ten thousand talents^g]">[g] was brought to him. ²⁵Since he was not able to pay, the master ordered that he and his wife and his children and all that he had be sold to repay the debt.

²⁶"The servant fell on his knees before him. 'Be patient with me,' he begged, 'and I will pay back everything.' ²⁷The servant's master took pity on him, canceled the debt and let him go.

²⁸"But when that servant went out, he found one of his fellow servants who owed him a hundred denarii.^h]">[h] He grabbed him and began to choke him. 'Pay back what you owe me!' he demanded.

²⁹"His fellow servant fell to his knees and begged him, 'Be patient with me, and I will pay you back.'

³⁰"But he refused. Instead, he went off and had the man thrown into prison until he could pay the debt. ³¹When the other servants saw what had happened, they were greatly distressed and went and told their master everything that had happened.

³²"Then the master called the servant in. 'You wicked servant,' he said, 'I canceled all that debt of yours because you begged me to. ³³Shouldn't you have had mercy on your fellow servant just as I had on you?' ³⁴In anger his master turned him over to the jailers to be tortured, until he should pay back all he owed.

³⁵"This is how my heavenly Father will treat each of you unless you forgive your brother from your heart."